Waiting for an epiphany

Last spring when I was traveling in Europe, I remember very clearly having an epiphany while in Amsterdam (no drugs involved!). I was reflecting on a conversation I'd had with someone back home in the Bay Area, who had just returned from six months of continuous travel. I expressed some puzzlement over how he managed to do it, and he said: you just have to set up your life so you can travel!

In other words, decide what you want and make it happen. Thinking about that conversation, and in the middle of a fifteen-day European trip, I realized that what I wanted most was not to travel for months at a stretch, but to make my home in Portland. That was the ONE BIG THING I wanted.

That epiphany was the beginning of a chain of events that resulted in just that, and I'm grateful and amazed every day that I figured out what I wanted and I made it happen.

Is it selfish to ask for more? Like so many others I know, I'm wrestling with the work question. There was one time in my life when I was passionate about my job, but it was over a decade ago, and it was the first time I'd found a job that really tapped a lot of my skills AND let me work with fun people. I know if I were still there I would be far far over it by now.

Now here I am, with about 20 years of work behind me and facing the next 20, and I can't figure out what exactly I am looking for. It's frustrating. Don't get me wrong, I'm asking from a very positive space, and know I'm lucky to feel like I'm appreciated and my skills get used on a daily basis. So maybe I just won't ever be super stoked about work, but it seems like that would be oh so nice to have.